Elisabetta Canalis Is Funny

August 3, 2010 / Posted by:

When George Clooney’s last leased piece Sarah Larson started to tiptoe out on the ho stroll, her contract was immediately terminated and she was dropped off at the cocktail bar from which she came from. Well, George’s current full-time piece Elisabetta Canalis is starting to orally queef about their relationship to the media, so I wonder how long it will be before the movers show up and carry her ass out of there. I hope they don’t, because this bitch is hilarious in a delusional kind of way. Who cares if Elisabetta looks like my Uncle Jorge in broke drag, she’s still a strong shot of cuntspresso to my soul.

In the Italian version of Vanity Fair (via People), Elisabetta laid out several lines of potent bitchiness and I’m snorting this shit up:

On the jeliz h8rs hating on her life with George: “I am happy like I was when I was 18 years old. Those who criticize or invent stories about us are just jealous.”

On how an Italian paper said George dumped her ass: “It might seem a cliché, but unfortunately it is true: the Italians never support their own citizens who earn an opportunity or a recognition abroad … I don’t expect to be celebrated, but neither do I expect the newspapers of our country to use as a reference point a gossip blog which is full of insults, racism and violence.”

On how she’s slowly poisoning her jealous enemies with happiness: “Yes, it is true. We are together. I have heard of women – even famous women – that due to this [relationship] removed his photo as screensavers from their computers. Maybe I am a bit stressed. But in the end the best revenge over these jealous people is to be happy. Because that is the thing they do not forgive you for.”

HA! Nobody tell Elisabetta that the only women who would have a George Clooney screensaver are women who don’t know how to turn on a computer let alone how to change their screensaver (I’m looking at you, mom). That still is a really good line, though. If Elisabetta can work a strap-on as well as she can bring the bitchiness, George will keep her around for a while (not really).

Here’s George making all kinds of faces (ranging from “My no-no is sore” face to “6 inches could work” face) on the set of a commercial with John Malkovich in Milan today. I’m going to make one of these pictures my screensaver just to fuck with Elisabetta.

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