Aaaaand It’s Over

A few weeks ago, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston conjured up a wave of eye rolls by declaring their recycled love for each other on the cover of UsWeekly. While Bristol and Levi counted their cash on the table, they said something about how they were getting married soon…blah…barf…blah. But cancel the taxidermy wedding cake topper, because Bristol has run off to People to tell them that the wedding is dead! Bristol has quit Levi, because she says he’s more interested in humping the spotlight than humping on her.

Speaking from her glass house while holding a giant pot, Bristol said, “It’s over. I broke up with him. The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.

Through this whole experience I know I need a man who’s going to be completely honest with me and someone who loves me and Tripp and wants to be with him all the time. I also want someone who has religious beliefs and a good family.”

What Bristol is really trying to say is that they expected to get a 6-figure reality show deal out of this charade. But when the only deal that landed in their inbox was for a pack of Pampers per episode from Wasilla Public Access, Bristol said fuckit and bounced.

And Bristol needs to stop it with this “I got played” shit. The only bitch here that got played is me, because I’m writing about it! You got played too, because you’re reading about it. Hell, the only bitches that aren’t getting played are Bristol and Levi. All of us should be on the cover of People with the tagline, “WE GOT PLAYED!”