After Jeremy London gave all of us the laughs for claiming that he was forced to smoke crack and pass out booze in the gang areas of Palm Springs by evil kidnappers, his ventriloquist dummy of a wife spit out the same story. Melissa Cunningham went for the laughs herself by saying that the kidnappers drove her home after she cried about being scared. That joke never gets old and should really be inducted into the comedy hall of fame. There’s no gongs involved when Melissa and Jeremy open up their mouths.
Well, Melissa is now saying that she believes the kidnapping thing was really a drug deal gone wrong. Fuck me in the ass with a DUH! You don’t say?
Melissa and Jeremy are both shooting Celebrity Rehab right now, and she took a break from getting high on Dr. Drew’s glare to talk to Radar Online. Melissa admits that they were both messed up on Ambien before the “kidnapping.” Melissa says she told them to drive her ass home, because she overheard Jeremy asking them for Vicodin and she didn’t want any part of that.
Melissa said, “I did overhear him… he said something about Vicodin. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but that is what got me pissed and I asked to be driven home. I thought, ‘Get me out of this car, something shady is going to go on’, but Jeremy was like, ‘Oh, no problem, no problem’ and I said no, take me home, right now. I think they wanted me to leave, so they could go party with Jeremy or whatever they had planned.”
When asked if she thinks Jeremy made up the whole kidnapping thing, Melissa said, “I can’t answer that question with a clear conscious… because I don’t know what went on when I was out of the car.”
Meanwhile, 26-year-old Brandon Adams is still sitting in a jail cell on kidnapping charges.
It was nice of Melissa to clear up the obvious for us, but there’s still a million more questions that need answering. 1) Is it true that Jeremy London came up with that crackamaney scheme while watching a Six Feet Under rerun on a TV in a Super 8? 2) Is it true that Melissa is actually a discount blow-up doll version of Brittany from Daria? 3) In her expert opinion, does she believe that Ambien is having the BEST YEAR EVER? 4) More importantly, why am I still posting about Jeremy Fucking London?