You can take Kim Kardassian’s name off the list of the Most Useless Pieces of Trash in the World, because I’ve just learned that she actually does serve a purpose to a humanity! Kim is teaching the young ladies out there that you can reach for the stars for reaching for the peen and sticking it in your snatch on camera! TMZ reports that Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter Montana will star in her first fuck film for Vivid Entertainment.
Montana’s reasoning for wanting to get into porn really doesn’t make a lot of sense. Montana said, “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.”
If Montana wants to follow in Kim’s exact steps, then she’s doing it all wrong. You don’t just blatantly sign up for porn. This is how you do it:
1. Stick your nose up the snatch of some trick who is famous for doing nothing (ala Parasite Hilton) and trail behind them as close as possible so the paparazzi doesn’t cut you out of the picture.
2. Make an incredibly boring sex tape with some asshole with two first names who is only on TV because of his sister. Oh, and let him go pee pee times on you.
3. Secretly leak the tape onto the internet.
4. Make sure you’re at the same salon where Ryan Gaycrest gets his daily highlights done when you break into a flood of fake tears after finding out that thousands of people are watching you lay there like a dead guinea pig while getting boned. Gaycrest will feel sorry for you and give you a reality show on E!.
5. Get so much plastic surgery to the point where it looks like the only human words you know are: “We come in peace.”
I’m sure I missed a few steps, but Kim Kardassian will fill that in when she learns that she’s a role model to girls and releases a step-by-step slutorial on how to be just like her!
Here’s Montana Fishburne and porn star Brian Pumper talking about making her first porn:
At least Montana Fishburne doesn’t have to go by something else, because she’s already got a perfect porn name. And Montana’s future movies will be called: Eat The Cock Anna Mae, Higher Whoring and Ass Action.