Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 29, 2010 / Posted by:

Simon De Pury, auctioneer extraordinaire and the mentor on Bravo’s Work of Art

On every episode of this mess, Simon rides up in his velvet-lined carriage, holds out his precious paw to his white-gloved henchman and steps out to throw a few “hmmms” and “interestings” at the contestants’ work while the news ticker in his head reads “THIS IS UTTER FUCKING SHIT!” But Simon doesn’t ever let those words leap off his tongue, because he is a gentleman in every way! AND HOW!

This bitch is so fancy that the purple silk thong he wears under his suit (you know he does) was probably some king’s handkerchief in its past life. And Simon’s solid gold nipple clamps probably came from the Ming Dynasty. Sometimes the only way I can fully digest an episode of Work of Art is if I focus on Simon. He’s like out of The Red Shoes! The contestants should bow and kiss his hand before and after he critiques their work.

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