Ellen Degeneres is following Simon Cowell and his delectable fur titties through the exit door and will not return to American Idol next season. That means Ryan Gaycrest will be the lone beautiful blonde lesbian in the building. Ellen explained it like this on her site:
A couple months ago, I let FOX and the “American Idol” producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me. I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next. It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for. I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on “Idol” and I am very grateful for the year I had. I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be.
Now if the producers will just lure Paula Abdul back with the promise of installing a Vicodin vending machine in her dressing room. Specifically, an easy to use Vicodin vending machine since Paula can’t even use a Pez dispenser without calling the Geek Squad. Actually, fuck American Idol. Fox should just produce a reality show about Paula Abdul trying to figure out how to work a vending machine.