This is what happens when a Universal executive drops the wrong kind of acid before trying to complete a “Which True Blood Character Are You?” quiz while his kids play Battleship (just pretend kids still play that shit) on the table and the maid hums the chorus to “Breakin’ Dishes” at the same time she’s Windexing the plasma…..which is playing an episode of Friday Night Lights! AND BREATHE!
Variety (via Coming Soon) reports that Alien Princess RiRi has joined ASkars and Taylor Kitsch in the film adaptation of the game Battleship. ASkars and Taylor will play brothers who fight together to save the world or some shit. RiRi is the female lead.
Yes, acid definitely played a key part in the decision making for this mess. I know I shouldn’t sink this battleship with my hate bombs before it even starts shooting, but how can this work?!
Well, the only way this can work is if ASkars and Taylor’s characters are allergic to clothes. And their characters should always greet one another by licking each other’s nipples (Hey, I think that’s how the Hogan family says hi). And when they get in an argument, they’ll settle it by chewing on each other’s nipples. Oh, and RiRi’s main love interest better be Shy Ronnie.