Hulk Hogan Thinks He’s The Next Billy Mays

July 27, 2010 / Posted by:

If Hulk Hogan cracked open his fortune cookie chichi (or is that a bloated Pac-Man with a wart on his chin?), he would find these words of wisdom: “CONFUCIUS SAYS, DON’T EVEN TRY IT, ASSHOLE!” It’s safe to say that we all co-sign that shit. Radar is saying that Hulk Hogan is working with infomercial king Kevin Harrington on a new hand cleanser made from pumice.

Hulk’s lawyer says that he believes the product will turn Hulk Hogan into the new Billy Mays. Hulk’s lawyer said:

“Billy’s unfortunate passing kind of left a hole. We all agree that he certainly has some big shoes to fill as far as Billy Mays is concerned, but I don’t think that any of us doubt that he has the ability to do it. We hope this is the beginning of a very long and good relationship between him and Kevin and the various products that Kevin may bring to the market. Terry brings decades’ worth of charisma and credibility to the marketplace.”

Just because Hulk looks like he uses Orange-Glo as a body lotion doesn’t mean he’s got the same powers Billy had. Besides, the world doesn’t need a stupid hand cleanser made from pumice. If we want to get the skank off our hands, we just need to hold our palms up to one of Billy’s old infomercials and let his “Miley Cyrus after gargling sand” voice scrub that shit clean. Hulk Hogan is not needed.

And will somebody please switch Hulk Hogan and White Oprah’s peroxide with NAIR, because obviously the stuff they use causes extreme delusion in the brains.

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