Nicolas Cage Does Not Push Luggage Carts!

July 23, 2010 / Posted by:

Add this to the list of “Things Nicolas Cage Does Not Do” right under: “Nicolas Cage does not feast on animals that don’t lift their pinkies when fucking.” Blame it on the shot of hazelnut creamer I just downed, but these pictures of Nicolas Cage arriving at LAX yesterday made me laugh. There’s Nicolas Cage struttin’ his ass while a lady slave/cart pusher on the phone trails behind him. AND homegirl is most likely on a Nicolas Cage-related call.

I’m guessing she’s trying to phone bid in an auction for a rare albino T-Rex pubic bone, or genuine moat water from Camelot, or some other shit Nicolas Cage cannot afford. You know what else Nicolas Cage can’t afford? A fucking lady cart pusher! But my ass isn’t being fair, how can Nicolas Cage bask in the glory of his own ridiculous fuckery while pushing a luggage cart? Fancy sorcerers don’t push luggage carts!

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