Is Eric Johnson A Kept Piece?

Jessica Simpson’s friends tell Star Magazine that her new man isn’t with her, because he absolutely loves it when Papa Joe crawls into bed with them in the early morning hours for a warm spoon fest. He also isn’t with her, because he finds it endearing that she still thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls. (<----- Something I too have a hard time dealing with). Jessica's friends say that Eric Johnson, who used to play for the New Orleans Saints, is only dating her, because the inside of his checking account looks like this.

Apparently, Eric is living with Jessica in her multi-million dollar mansion and isn’t paying for shit. On their recent trip to Italy to celebrate her 30th birthday, Jessica pulled out her wallet for everything. The $3,000 a night hotel suite? Jess paid. The $5,000 chartered yacht? Jess paid. The fancy meals? Jess paid. One friend said, “Jessica is so starved for love, she just doesn’t see any of Eric’s faults. She’s been paying for everything in their relationship, and it doesn’t seem like Eric intends to stop that anytime soon.”

I really don’t see the problem here. As my mentor in my head, Alexyss K. Tylor, says, “Sometimes dick is so good that you just wanna slap somebody.” Or in Jessica’s case, sometimes dick is so good that you just wanna slap down your credit card and buy your hooker something shiny.

The dick game Eric is laying down on Jessica is obviously getting an A+++ from her! I mean, it’s got her so twisted in the brains that she doesn’t care if she’s walking around in one of Mrs. Roper’s old ones. Although, Jessica would also get twisted in the brains if you told her that Uncle Ben isn’t really her uncle, so….