Maddox Jolie-Pitt sashayed into the child army barracks this morning and declared that their war against the evil doers known The News of the World is now over, because the dark side held up their white flag and surrendered themselves! The twin messiahs burst into tears of joy, which covered the floors in flecks of gold. (They made Pax clean it up).
This past January, the News of the World claimed that the planet would enter into a new Ice Age, because we would not have the love of Brangelina to warm us all. Basically, they reported that St. Angie Jo and Brad Pitt had met with divorce lawyers to divide their $320 million fortune and work out custody agreements for their fifty thousand million chirruns. Brangie sued and they settled in court today. Their lawyer, Themis, issued this statement shortly after their victory:
“When the News of the World failed to publicly retract the allegations and apologize for them – thereby leaving their readers in the dark as to the true position – the couple felt they had no alternative than to sue. Today’s victory marks the end of the litigation brought by Brad and Angelina.”
Brangelina plan to use the settlement money to start a foundation to benefit tabloid journalists who were recently fired for spreading lies about them. Yes, they are helping the ones who have wronged them so. Can we get a DOUBLE COMPLETE HALO up in this bitch?