Lindsay Lohan’s Meds Will Keep Her Company In The Clink

July 21, 2010 / Posted by:

In case you are in the middle of writing a letter to President Obama asking him to address the greatest example of human suffering since Carvelocaust 2010, you can scratch out the part about how your precious child has been denied of the medications she needs to SURVIVE! Because TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan will get her daily dose of Ambien and Adderall while spending 14 days in jail. YAY! Jail sounds fun. I can barely get my doctor to prescribe me a Mento, let alone order a refill for my Ambien prescription. I should switch free clinics.

Even though the mouth on the giant keloid on Michael Lohan’s neck said that prescriptions meds are keeping LiLo down, doctors still think she needs them. Ambien and Adderall aren’t the only delicious things LiLo will get to eat in the clink. With her prison dollars, LiLo will be able to buy a Commissary snack pack which includes:

Spicy Velveeta Refried Beans
Spam
Kit Kat Bar
Vanilla Creme Cookies
Cheese Curls (11 oz)
Country Time Rasp./Lemon. (6 oz)
Lime Chili Ramen
Flour Tortillas
Cupcake SS

When LiLo gets up in the afternoon, she’ll snort a line of Adderall and then spend the next 8 hours spreading chewed up Cheese Curls on her skin to keep her Oompa Loompa glow alive. Then she’ll swallow an Ambien before polishing off an entire can of Spicy Velveeta Refried Beans with pieces of Spam in it. When she wakes up from her Ambien coma, she won’t remember anything and she’ll do it all over again. And the bitch in the room (aka The Valtrex Suite) next to LiLo is Alexis Neiers, the reality ho who tried to rob her house. So there’s even a trick in there for LiLo to curse out when she’s feeling bored! That’s like living in a dream that lasts 14 days. The crackhead version of Inception!

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