Even Robert Shapiro Can’t Take Lindsay Lohan’s Shit

Robert Shapiro stood up in court and defended a psycho who brutally sliced up two people yet he even he won’t throw up his hand and admit, “Yup, I’m Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer.” TMZ reports that Robert Shapiro has informed Judge Marsha that he is no longer representing Lindsay Lohan. HA.

This is an old picture of Robert, and unfortunately he no longer has luscious bushy eyebrows or a top lip. Robert plucked out each beautiful follicle one by one and then chewed off his top lip, because it’s the only way he could deal with Lindsay Lohan’s non-stop circus of delusion. This is the saddest part, because oh how I wanted to wrap Robert’s bush brow around my shoulders like a mink stole and sing jazz standards while leaning against a piano. That shifty crackhead always ruins everything!

You can now find Robert with soiled slacks walking the streets of Los Angeles and muttering to himself about Cookie Puss and shit. I mean, when O.J. Simpson’s attorney thinks you’re too much to handle, the government should automatically declare you a toxic nuclear weapon and ship you off to North Korea. Even Bob Loblaw won’t return this bitch’s calls.

But there’s a silver lining to this disaster that is LiLo’s life, and it isn’t coming from the farewell coke line she’s snorting right now. No, it seems that LiLo has finally come to terms with the fact that she’s going to jail this morning. She Twatted this last night:

the only “bookings” that i’m familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i’d be “booking” into Jail… eeeks
about 9 hours ago via web

Yeah, I’m having a case of the optimistics, right? Bitch is probably “booking” herself a flight to Switzerland right now. Truth.