A newborn baby’s first cry shouldn’t come from getting slappity slap slapped in the back by the hand of a doctor. No, it should come from getting the area above its eyes waxed, plucked and Sharpie-ed. If I was the Surgeon General,
we’d all be fucked I’d demand that every baby must go directly from its mom’s vagina to the brow waxing table no matter what. So this clip from Toddlers & Tiaras of 10-year-old beauty queen Brooklyn getting her brow follicles ripped out (along with some of her childhood) gives me hope!
On the other hand, if I was the Surgeon General, I’d also demand that any new parent who answers “yes” to the question “Are you going to force your kid into child beauty pageants?” be immediately jailed.