MAD MEL 5: This Is Never Going To End

July 15, 2010 / Posted by:

It’s that time of day where we all gather on top of the stairs together and hold our teddy bears as we listen to Mel Gibson turn inside out while calling Oksana Grigorieva a bitch, whore, cunt, gold digger, lazy blow job giver, Jacuzzi hoarder, etc…. These Blow Mel Gibson tapes have become such an important part of our daily lives. It won’t be long before we’re all greeting each other with: “Smile and blow me, you cunt whore bitch!” I really can’t wait, because saying “Hello, how are you?” all the time is getting boring.

Before you listen to Blow Mel pop a stress ball with his asshole, let’s go over a rumor surrounding the leaked tapes. TMZ says that Mel’s lawyers have evidence that the tapes have been chopped, edited and screwed with. If Mel’s lawyers can prove this shit, the tapes won’t be accepted as evidence by the court. Radar says they haven’t done anything to the tapes.

So you should feel a bit relieved in knowing that Mel might have screamed: “Because I’d like to show you what mean really is. Bitch, cunt, gold digger!” instead of “Because I’d like to show you what mean really is. Bitch, cunt, whore, gold digger!” OctoSana threw that “whore” in to make Mel sound like he’s really swan diving off the edge. Now on to the tape!

In this tape from Radar, Mel cries about being forced to sell his precious Lakers box and a few paintings thanks to OctoSana and his ex-wife. Mel goes on and on about how OctoSana is a gold digging whore who has left him broke. As usual, here’s a few quotes in case you’re sick of getting turned on by hearing Mel’s voice.

Mel: “I don’t have any fucking money! I have to support you and everybody else! I have to sell paintings. I have to sell my box at the Lakers game!”

OctoSana: “You’re the meanest person I know.”
Mel: “WHAT!? Yeah, you know what mean is now. Don’t you? I like to show you what mean really is, bitch, cunt, whore, gold digger.”

Mel: “You used me and you are telling me and proving to me what you were and what I suspected! Fucking user! You fucking used me! I will never forgive you!”

OctoSana: “You ruined my life and you didn’t give me a penny!”
Mel: You ruined my life first! I ruined your life? How did I ruin your life? I gave you shit! You gave me nothing but fucking grief! Alright? And bad publicity, you cunt! How did I ruin your life?

Mel: “Look at what you’ve fucking done! Look at your son! He’s a fucking mess! You fucking excuse for a mother! You’re a fucking bitch!”
OctoSana: “You’re the worst father I’ve ever met. Goodbye.” CLICK

If the producers of Nightmare on Elm Street are ever looking for a new Freddy Krueger, Mel is their monster! Seriously, Mel sounds like a constipated and sexually frustrated Freddy Krueger throwing a tantrum because one of the kids stole his hat. Nightmare on MEL Street is more like it.

Hearing Mel call OctoSana’s 12-year-old son a “mess” made me laugh uncomfortably. After Mel throws around more “fucks” and “cunts” than a Scorcese movie, he chooses the G-rated word “mess” to describe her son. Mel really does have a heart. That might be his greatest punchline (inappropriate pun not intended) yet. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put two steaks on my ears.

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