Don’t Mess With Uncle Jesse

July 15, 2010 / Posted by:

This afternoon in a courtroom in Michigan, a jury foreperson (imagine Stephanie Tanner in an oversized business suit from Dress Barn) looked at Allison Coss and Scott Sippola and screamed “HOW ROOD” at them! Allison and Scott were both found guilty of conspiracy and using e-mail to threaten a person’s reputation. Be right back. I must go e-mail a “just kidding” note to my ex-boyfriends, a few of my cousins, CHERYL BURKE, and a certain bitch who still hasn’t returned my bootleg Beverly Hills Teens DVD.

I’m back. So Allison and Scott were arrested in an FBI sting operation last December after John Stamos accused them of trying to extort $680,000 from him in exchange for a few pictures of him doing coke with a bunch of strippers in Florida. Allison, who was 17 at the time, also alleged that John bought her a cocktail and offered her Uncle Jesse’s eat out special. John testified in court that although he did hang out with Allison and a few others, he never offered to go down on her. John also denied doing a line of coke off a stripper’s labia.

After the verdict was read, John told reporters outside of the courthouse: “These slanderous allegations to smear my reputation were part of their defense to redirect attention away from the federal crime of extortion. There was no hot tub, no drugs, no nudity and nothing sexual in nature involved in my friendship with this woman. They lied about everything.”

The FBI never found the supposed pictures.

Allison and Scott face up to 5 years in the clink. Or they can serve their punishment by watching the first season of Full House without commercial breaks or mind-altering drugs. Something tells me they will choose the 5 years in the clink.

(mug shots via TSG)

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