And by somebody I mean a Jewish piranha. Liam Neeson has released yet another Kraken in the form of an audio clip of Mel Gibson whispering sweet precious pretty talk into the ear of Oksana Grigorieva. This is Radar’s fourth part their never-ending “Eardrum MELocide” series, so you pretty much know the drill by now. Hit play, feel the terribles take over your soul, do a shot of whatever is available, laugh away like this mess is a South Park episode….and then feel depressed again.
Here’s a few quotes. For a cheap thrill to your genitals, just picture Alexander Skarsgard giving you this dirty talk during role-playing. Or just picture a kitten meowing this. That works too.
Mel: “I deserve to be blown first! Before the fucking Jacuzzi! Ok, I’ll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you?”
Mel: “I should’ve woken you up and said fucking blow me bitch! I should’ve fucking woken you up and said blow me! You would’ve liked that better, yeah? But you need the goddamn sleep!”
OctoSana: “I waited for you.”
Mel: “Waited and waited… What, two and a half fucking minutes?!!! You’re fucking snoring. Don’t you dare.”
Mel: “You wanted the number to my therapist? Don’t you ever speak to him! Find your own goddamn therapist! Because you’ve got problems more than me!”
Mel: “You gotta push my fucking buttons and it’s not going to work with us! It’s not! I can’t get like this anymore. And you know you’re doing it, and you’re a liar, and you’re dishonest ,and you’re fucked up! So you stay the fuck away from me!!!!! Take care of your fucking son and I better have my daughter! I want my daughter, and a maid… they make their goddamn bed, which you did not.”
Mel is obsessed with four things: yelling, heavy breathing, getting blown, and the fucking Jacuzzi. So why doesn’t he stick his crucidick into the jet already like a normal person! Wait. Are we sure this isn’t just viral marketing for Jacuzzi?
In related news, TMZ reports that OctoSana has been getting death threats over the phone. For OctoSana, a phone is a portal for dark-sidedness so she should probably just bury that shit in the rose garden for now.