As you can tell from the giant party countdown clock hanging over your cubicle, Lindsay Lohan is just a few days away from her greatest role yet: jail bitch. So since LiLo will be out of commission for a few days (or weeks), someone has to keep the paparazzi industry going by posing like a complete dick hole in the passenger seat of a car. And that someone is going to be White Oprah! White Oprah will make sure that the Lohan family face stays on top as the leading famewhores on the stroll!
White Oprah assumed her duties last night at an In-N-Out in Hollywood. Yes, White Oprah at In-N-Out! Just soap up a burger patty with the blood from my bleeding heart and serve it to White Oprah RAW! This hurts more than the time In-N-Out University rejected my admission application.
Now, In-N-Out occasionally lets me through their front door, so I realize that they aren’t the pickiest fast food whore in the game, but WHITE OPRAH! That is LOW(han)!
In-N-Out just proved to me that they will spread their animal sauce on the tongue of any john who slips a ten dollar bill into their red and white garter belt! And I better not find out that White Oprah has a limited-edition In-N-Out VIP black card (with gold palm trees on it) in her possession! If she does, In-N-Out will be DEAD to me! I will cuddle up with that slut Wendy instead!
No, I don’t mean that. INO just needs to lie to me if White Oprah is one of their VIP customers. Lie to me, INO, I promise I”ll believe…liiiiiie to me…but pleeeeeeaaaaseeee don’t…. FUCK! Do you see what seeing White Oprah at INO is doing to me? It’s got me quoting Sheryl fucking Crow!