Sylvia Browne, Miss Cleo and Walter Mercado will all be seen at the back of the unemployment line tomorrow morning, because they know that their services are no longer needed now that Paul the Psychic Octopus has proven that he is our true prolific prophet. Paul correctly predicted the outcome of 8 out of 8 World Cup games! Octo for octo!
As Pulpo Paul predicted on Friday, Spain beat the Netherlands by one point at World Cup today and they are now the proud recipients of a giant golden butt plug. Tommy Girl wants Spain to know that he can break that giant butt plug trophy in if they need him to. SANTO XENU! Or should I say, SANTO PAULO!
Spain’s first order of duty as the new champions of the ball should be to gather around Paul’s tank in Germany and protect him to their dying day. Paul better not end up on a Red Lobster lunch menu in Berlin or some shit. Paul better get his own psychic hotline as well as his own show on Telemundo.
The best part is that Paul just cockblocked a bunch of Twitter dudes from getting blown by Bibi Eden. Maybe if Paul is feeling charitable and generous, he’ll send over some his sexier octopus girls to give those dudes a tentaclejob.
All bow down to our new eight-legged world leader! Viva Paul (he would taste delicious with a little lemon and some olive oil….)!