Michael Jackson Wanted Bubbles To Talk, So Says La Toya

Detective La Toya needed to replenish her “Getting To The Bottom, Side And Top of Everything” fund, so she sold a few stories to the News of the World about her brother Michael Jackson and his one true soulmate Bubbles. La Toya (or as Bubbles calls her “Who’s this trick?“) says that Michael really wanted to have a conversation of words with Bubbles, so he consulted with several professionals about making his dream happen. La Toya explains:

“Michael always wanted to know how to make Bubbles speak and talk. They definitely communicated. One morning Michael called me said ‘You got to see this – he mimics everything I do’. So Michael starts brushing his teeth and Bubbles looks up and gets a tooth brush and starts brushing his teeth too. Then he wanted to give him vocal chords and asked doctors ‘Can I give him an operation so that I can know what his thoughts are’.”

The doctors warned MJ that operating on Bubbles’ larynx could eff him up for good, so they scratched that plan. But MJ still paid ape experts thousands of dollars to try to teach Bubbles how to talk. In the end, everyone learned that getting Bubbles to spit out human words was about as impossible as getting La Toya to make sense. But seriously, you know Bubbles just stayed mute because he didn’t have shit to say to any of them.

And why the hell would anybody give their pet the ability to curse their asses out? I mean, my dog already screams “I HATE YOU” with his eyes when I refuse to share my McDonald’s with him, so I really don’t need to hear those words from his mouth too.