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July 11, 2010 / Posted by:

Carl’s Jr.’s new Footlong Cheeseburger (BETA)

Carl’s Jr. (or Hardee’s as it’s called in the south) didn’t want to stand by while KFC’s Double Down, Burger King’s Seven Incher and Sonic’s quarter pound dog pillaged bowels everywhere, so they pulled down their pants and whipped out a Footlong Cheeseburger (aka Kirstie Alley’s new fiance). Carl’s is only sticking the tip in by testing their Footlong in only a few of their locations in Southern California. Hopefully, they fix a few things before they slap it on the tongues of everyone in the country.

First of all, how are they going to call this mess a “Footlong” when it’s only three patties? Carl’s couldn’t make a ground beef mold out of Tommy Lee’s peen and put that on a bun? Second of all, where’s the deep fried battered bacon or the chunks of cheese-filled hot dogs?! Pfft. My guess is that Carl’s studies will show that only 4 out of 5 people barfed up pieces of their arteries and shat out blood after eating their Footlong. They need to go 5 for 5! If Carl’s wants to play, they better come at our intestines harder. I have hope they will make this happen.

Here’s a few pictures of Carl’s newest assault on America. Food Beast wrote up a quick review before being carted away by an ambulance.

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