Dr. Drew is going to kidnap Jeremy London at gunpoint and drive him all the way to his clinic in Pasadena, CA (which is sort of like the “gang areas” of Palm Springs) to complete an entire season of “Celebrity” “Rehab“! Dr. Drew will soothe Jeremy’s nerves by telling him there will be plenty of trees for him to climb. Jeremy will join an all-star cast of A-listers including: The Empress of Lucite, Gummi Bear, Tila Tequila, and Jason Wahler (aka Shauna Sand and 3 names that even Google doesn’t recognize).
A source tells Radar that Jeremy will check into Celebrity Rehab early next week. Jeremy’s last visit to rehab was back in September of ’09 when he was treated for an addiction to prescription pills. Jeremy recently told People that despite being forced to smoke crack, he is totally sober (insert a trillion HAHAHAHAHAHs here). So I’m not sure what kind of addiction Jeremy will be treated for. Oh well, that never stopped Dr. Drew in the past, so they’ll figure it out along the way.
And let this serve as a tip to all the has-beens out there! There’s no need for you to stand outside of Michael Bay’s house while holding a “Will Wash Ferrari 4 Walk-On Role” sign. Simply call the police and give them some bullshit story about how you were kidnapped by a bunch of kidnapping crackhead makers. Before you know it, you’ll have your own TV show! So Mischa Barton, stop bothering your agent’s assistant and call 911 instead!