The Real Shit Parents Of Orange County

If you thought Lynn is the only Real Housewife of Orange County who has the parenting skills of one of Susan Smith’s dried up turds, then think (something Lynn has never been able to fully accomplish) again! Add Alexis and Jim Bellino to that list, because TMZ reports that their two small children almost drowned at a 4th of July party thanks to them.

The security at The Balboa Bay Club in Newport Beach, CA tells TMZ that The Bellinos left their stroller unattended by the pool while they went off to shake their asses for Jesus or whatever they fuck they do for fun. A security officer says that the stroller with the two toddlers in it rolled into the pool. He jumped in and pulled one of the kids out. A few seconds later, Jim put a plastic bag over his precious hair, jumped into the pool, stuffed his kid between his chins and swam to safety. Despite being psychologically scarred for life from being raised by two silicone anuses, the Bellino children are fine psychically.

Jim downplayed the incident when he had this to say: “There was no lifeguard needed or involved.”

I’m a little surprised that Jim and Alexis didn’t say that this is just God’s will. You know, God pushed the stroller into the pool to baptize her kids all over again. And why didn’t Alexis jump in herself? Bitch has two built-in flotation devices perfect for a rescue mission like this! Jesus does not approve of her “Just For Show” titties.