When Judge Marsha shot a bolt of happiness into the hearts of millions by sending Lindsay Lohan to a warm jail cell for a few days, White Oprah dropped to her knees and… Wait. I need to try that again. White Oprah was passed out in her own Vicodin slobber when Nana Lohan woke her up by tasing her in the pussy bone to tell her the news about her child. White Oprah immediately jumped up and then dropped to her knees while screaming “WHY! WHY WHYYYY!!!!” There, that makes more sense.
White Oprah continued to paddle down her river of denial while telling Popeater what she thought about the judge’s verdict: “This is so not fair to do this to my child.”
White Oprah is right. It really isn’t fair, because regular people do not go to jail or suffer consequences when they drive drunk, get caught with cocaine, violate their probation and don’t show up to court hearings. This only happens to the Lohans! Screw the people suffering in Darfur. They don’t have problems like the Lohans! Why isn’t St. Angelina Jolie visiting Long Island to raise awareness for the injustice being done to the Lohans?!
And you know what else isn’t fair? It’s not fair that the judge is locking up White Oprah’s main whore. With her freckled ATM machine in the clink, how is she going to fund her lawsuit against Cookie Puss? How is she going to pay her back alley pharmacist?! How is she going to make the payments on her tab at TGI Fridays?! Why won’t anybody THINK OF WHITE OPRAH!
While I’m writing a letter to the UN about the suffering on Long Island, look at these pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s secret message to the judge. WWTDD points out the FUCK U Lilo brought to court yesterday. What a dirty nail! Is Lilo going to bang her cell mate with that finger?
And I bet if the photographer zoomed in on Judge Marsha’s gavel, you’d see the message “FUCK U BACK, BITCH” carved into it. I mean, who really got fucked yesterday?