Pack up all your shit and let’s all say our goodbyes to easy access porn, videos of cats riding on Roombas, 505 errors, and up-to-the-second reports of what strangers are having for lunch, because Prince has puckered up his lips and kissed the internet goodbye. The magical unicorn tampon who once offered up his album for free on the internet has declared that the world wide web is dead. Shut it down, Al Gore, the puckery precious one has spoken!
In a hilarious interview with The Daily Mirror, Prince says that he’s doing something revolutionary by only releasing his new album in CD form (Yeah, I don’t know what that is either…Cross Dressing form?). Prince won’t ever release it himself on the internet. Prince explains:
“The internet’s completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it. The internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.”
If by numbers he means classic moving images of bitches falling off of coffee tables, then he’s right. And I don’t want the numbers to leave my head!
Do we really want to go back to jacking off next to each other in a crowded porn theater, because we can no longer enjoy fuck tapes from the comfort of our own basements? How am I going to anonymously curse a bitch out?! Do I really have to curse them out in a letter and submit it to the PennySaver in hopes that the object of my hatred reads it? We can’t go back to that! Let’s all grab on to the front door and refuse to let go until Prince makes nice again with the internet.