Alicia Keys Is Fallin’

July 5, 2010 / Posted by:

At the BET Awards last week, Alicia Keys threw her pregnant ass on top of a piano and crawled on that shit like she was Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys. And on Saturday night at the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans, Alicia busted on her nalgas while performing in heels. Okay, this is a sign that Alicia needs to sit her shit down before she gives her unborn fetus vertigo. That poor fetus is probably dizzy as all fuck! Alicia should at least stick a Dramamine up her cooch before performing.

But seriously, I don’t know why Alicia wants to stand up anyways. Standing is overrated. Being pregnant gives you a good excuse for sitting at all times. When bitches see a baby belly on a crowded train, that’s their cue to stand up and offer their seat. That is a beautiful power. So Alicia should take advantage of that while she still can.

I mean, if I was Alicia, this would be me at all times:

Although, I don’t think Burger King girl above is pregnant with a baby. I think she’s just permanently pregnant with laziness. I should use that one from now on.

via Concrete Loop

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