Joey Chestnut Wins Again!

The wiener gobbling champion of the world (Gay Al Reynolds just side-eyed a bitch) Joey Chestnut failed to beat his record from last year by eating more than 68 dogs, but he still out-swallowed the competition (Gay Al Reynolds side-eye, take two) and won Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest for the fourth time. It was clear from the beginning that Joey’s tortured stomach had this, because his main arch rival Takeru Kobayashi didn’t compete due to a contract dispute.

But Kobayashi did let his presence be known at today’s contest by trying to rush the stage after Joey’s victory. The cops stopped Kobayashi before he crashed the party and he was led away in handcuffs. Kobayashi is officially a citizen of the US, because getting arrested at a hot dog eating contest at Coney Island is about as American as it gets.

And Joey Chestnut’s bowels were probably screaming at the cops, “TAKE US TOO! TAKE US TOO!” Seriously, I watch this wiener fellatio contest every year, and I always say a short prayer for Joey Chestnut’s insides, because you know that shit is wrecked like Tommy Girl’s Scientolohole after one of his Sunday tea parties. Every toilet in Coney Island probably mysteriously disappears after this contest. They do not want to be around when Joey is ready to blow. A shit that’ll make you want to take down a plane. Dave Chappelle knows….

Below is a clip of Joey and his fellow sausage swallowers showing us a few of the Seven Deadly Sins.

UPDATE: And here’s the video of Kobayashi getting taken away by the protectors of the hot dog. Kobayashi was charged with trespassing and resisting arrest. Damn. Bitch just wanted a hot wiener!