Jasmine Waltz Did Not Punch That Crackie

Jasmine Waltz, the cocktail waitress at Voyeur who allegedly delivered a blow-han to Lindsay Lohan’s face the other night, took a break from going through the thousands of cards and “thank you” fruit baskets from around the world to give Access Hollywood her side of the story. Apparently, Jasmine will have to return the humanitarian award given to her by Carvel, because she swears that she never delivered a Happy Birthday punch to Lilo’s face. Jasmine says that Lilo’s chewed up brain must have been burping out another hallucination.

“All I have to say is that disturbed little train wreck is delusional. I didn’t hit her, but I’d like to.”

But a bunch of bitches who were at Voyeur that night claim otherwise. They say that Jasmine did smack that bitch up. Voyeur is thinking about pink-slipping Jasmine, so she’s probably just denying shit to keep her job.

Witnesses claim that the punch wasn’t over Doug Reinhardt as was previously rumor. Apparently, it was over British rugby player Danny Cipriani. Jasmine used to fuck on Danny and she was jealous that Lilo was trying to get a piece of him. This is what Danny Cipriani looks like:

So, Jasmine had that shit in front of her and she chooses to make physical contact with Lilo instead?! Don’t get me wrong, trying to smack some sense into Lilo is an important task, but Jasmine could’ve told that crackie to wait one minute while punched Danny in the crotch with her tongue first. Priorities: Jasmine needs to rethink hers!

Here’s Lilo arriving at Beso last night while her assistant got a traffic ticket from a cop. The look on her tortured assistant’s face tells a million stories. That girl is asking the pap for something sharp so she can put herself out of her misery already.