After years upon years of having to soak her vagina in yogurt to treat her permanent case of the yeasties, Wonder Woman has decided to leave her pussy-suffocating spandex briefs on the floor and put on a pair of pants instead. Starting with issue #600, which is out today, Wonder Woman will wear a totally different outfit. Say goodbye to the glamorously elegant stripper boots and say hello to a pair of butch bitch boots bought on clearance at DSW. Why do I cry?!!!
J. Michael Straczynski, the new writer of the Wonder Woman series, says that the character is entering a new age and they wanted her look to reflect that. J. Michael explained while digging the heel of Wonder Woman’s old whore boot into my heart
It’s a look designed to be taken seriously as a warrior, in partial answer to the many female fans over the years who’ve asked, “how does she fight in that thing without all her parts falling out?”) She can close it up to pass unnoticed…open it for the freedom to fight…lose the jacket or keep it on…it has pockets (the other fan question, “where does she carry anything in that outfit?”, it can be accessorized…it’s a Wonder Woman look designed for the 21st century. The bracelets are still there, but made more colorful, tied on the inside and over the hand, with a script W on each of them that form WW when she holds them side by side…and if you get hit by one of them, it leaves a W mark. This is a Wonder Woman who signs her work…letting her enemies know that she’s getting closer.
“This is Wonder Woman reborn, literally and metaphorically: fast, elegant, tough, smart…the savior of her people, their guardian and protector…avenging the fall of Paradise Island, searching to discover why Paradise Island was abandoned by the gods. In the end, what she discovers will change her life and the world forever…and she will come face to face with a decision that will mean life or death for the entire human race.”
I get that Wonder Woman probably got sick of seeing the likes of Miley Cyrus, Taylor Momsen and Lady Caca snatch her swagger by putting their crotches on display, but now she looks like a background extra from The Real L-Word. That isn’t a bad thing, but why didn’t Wonder Woman think of all the down low sluts out there?! Every Whoreoween, undercover sluts proudly let their tramp out by hiking up their chichis and camel toes as Wonder Woman. What are they going to do now?! Why doesn’t anybody think of the sluts?!!!!!