Is Brit Brit Belt Beating Her Cheetolings?

June 30, 2010 / Posted by:

Our Lady of Cheetos almost dropped one of her Cheetolings on his head in the middle of the street and she locked another one up in the bathroom during a psychotic breakdown, so I think it’s safe to say that Child Protective Services has her address permanently stored in their GPS systems and a week doesn’t go by when they don’t poke her on Facebook.

However, when Daddy Spears and KFed stepped in to make sure she stops letting her boys chew on silica gel packets (“It soothes them in tha nerves,” said Brit Brit), CPS backed down a bit. But now CPS is back to knocking on the front door of their old friend’s house. The Sun reports that CPS wants to talk to Brit Brit about allegations from her former bodyguard Fernando Flores that she beat SPF and JJ with a belt and also fed them shit they are allergic to. FYI: This former bodyguard is also the same former bodyguard who threatened to sue Brit Brit after he claims she sexually harassed him by flashing her dry roasted clitterling at him.

A source tells The Sun all about Fernando’s allegations, “Britney doesn’t mean to be a bad mum. But Flores feels she has so many issues she can’t be trusted around her boys. He claims the first really shocking incident was when she came marching into the pool house at her mansion and demanded his belt. He handed it over but then followed her into the main house and claims he witnessed the alleged incident.

Fernando also claims that one of the boys is deathly allergic to shellfish (no Velveeta scrimp casserole for him), but he watched Brit Brit feed it to him. Fernando claims this shit went down in March and April.

Fernando needs to come at Brit Brit harder, because if he was so concerned with the well being of her chirruns why did he wait so long to report her ass to CPS (before placing a call to The Sun, of course)? And his big shocking child abuse allegations is that Brit Brit whipped her boys with a belt once? Fernando is really trying to sit there and act like his abuelita never pulled him by the ear to her closet and told him to pick out which belt he wanted her to use on him?! Really?

And since we’re on that subject, how come your abuelita would still grab the thickest leather belt in her closet even when you pointed at the satin sash belt? Why make me pick then?!

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