And for once, I’m not talking about any member of the Lohan family. Although, now that I think about it the bumbling fool of a cop in this story should probably pay a visit to Ancestry.com, because based on his logic skills he’s most likely blood related to the Lohans. While he does that, let’s go over why we should all make him a dunce cap out of Clinique sun care cards.
TMZ is saying that when Lindsay Lohan was pulled over for DUI back in 2007, the cop found a Clinique sun car card with a powdery substance on it in her back pocket. The cop opened up his trusty police handbook written by Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife and flipped to the chapter on white powdery substances. After reading a bit, the dumb ass came to the conclusion that the white shit must be a crushed breath mint! And so he threw that shit in the trash.
Officer Dildo Brains wrote in his report: “Some of the white substance fell to the floor. I used my foot to see what had fell but thought nothing of it. I did not recognize the substance attached to the card and initially thought the substance was a wet crushed breath mint. I put the card into the jail trash can next to the booking windows. I was looking at the floor and began to recognize the substance as resembling powder cocaine. I then recovered the card from the trash.”
The Clinique coke card could not be used in court, because the officer contaminated it by throwing it in the garbage. Blohan copped a plea for the DUI and only spent 84 minutes in jail.
This officer probably believes it when bitches play the “Officer, I don’t know how that decapitated hooker got in the trunk of my car” card.
Since Lindsay Lohan was riding high on the bad shit she probably had coke bref in a major way, so I’m surprised Officer Dumb Bitch didn’t offer her some Altoid dust on a Clinique card. “Ew. Your coke breath is killing my nose. Here lick this crushed up mint that isn’t cocaine.”