While Chris Brown and company were spreading thick layers of ultra concentrated foolery all over BET last night, Marie Osmond and friends were doing the same at the Daytime Emmy Awards on CBS. The Daytime Emmys are the Emmys’ slightly slower younger sister who has been banished to the attic where she inhales fiber glass dust and puts on slightly pornographic plays for her sock doll friends. So when they let her out of the house, it’s a mess! She licks the neighbors’ windows, gets in fights with fire hydrants and consummates her relationships with garden hoses. You can’t take the bitch anywhere.
Case in point, Marie Osmond’s performance of “Paper Roses” during a tribute to American Bandstand last night. Marie did this trick where she didn’t move her top lip at all while she sang. And by “did this trick” I mean she physically can’t move her upper lip. Marie’s lip has a boner that isn’t going flaccid anytime soon. The collagen worm on Marie’s mouth and John Legend’s hairline should star in a buddy comedy together.
Anyidtotallyletherlipstickthetipin, here’s a few more pictures from the Daytime Emmys last night. The fashion was as much of a wreck as the entertainment. In order: Marie, Carnie Wilson with her husband, Rachael Ray with her creepy analbomber husband, Susan Lucci, Michelle Stafford, a mid-priced call girl who got lost while making her way to the hotel bar, Reeg and Joy, Kate Linder, Chubby Checker and Montel Williams with his wife.