War Of The Lakers Wives

Kobe Bryant’s wife Vanessa better sleep in an electrified cage from now on, because she has awoken the rage in Khloe Kardashian it won’t be long before her roof is torn off and she’s plucked out of bed and carried off to Skull Island never to be heard from again. That’s because Vanessa has blacklisted Khloe from the Lakers wives inner circle and won’t allow her to sit at their table. Pfft! Like Khloe wants to sit with those round-the-way hags when she could sip on a jug of moonshine with Tim Peeler while he strokes her “bayootiful yallaw-ish hayer-ah” and talks rough to her.

A source tells InTouch that Khloe is dead to Vanessa, and in fact she hates the entire Kardashian family, because she says they are nothing but fame fuckers. The source went on, “At a dinner for the wives, Vanessa didn’t want to invite Khloe. She said Khloe is a ‘fake wife,’ and she didn’t want fake wives there.”

If Vanessa didn’t marry a gazillionaire, she’d be right next to my cousin stocking the shelves with Goya at Northgate Market in El Monte (which is hotter than being married to Kobe Bryant, to be honest), so she just needs to drop the Tanya Turner shit. But if Vanessa insists on throwing Khloe hate, then I say we throw both of them in a covered dumpster with a bunch of wild turkeys and pray only the wild turkeys make it out in one piece.