Suri’s Daddy Is In Rehab

Chris Klein was thrown into a jail cell last week after he was arrested on suspicion of DUI in L.A.. When Chris gave fellatio to a Breathalyzer, it registered his blood alcohol level as .20. And animal rights groups are also shaking their fists at his ass (sounds sexy, but it ain’t), because Chris’ dog was in the car with him at the time.

In Chris’ defense, his dog was supposed to be his designated driver, but then that bitch got drunk too. Don’t you hate when that happens?

Anyways, Chris’ rep has announced to People that he is drying out at Cirque Lodge in rehab since he’s got nothing else to do. The spokeswhore said this:

“After recent events, Chris was forced to take a clear look at a problem he has been trying to deal with himself for years. He understands now that he can not beat this disease alone.

He thanks everyone for their support as he takes all the necessary steps to deal with his addiction and asks for privacy while doing so.”

Asks for privacy? Why is Chris putting a “Do Not Disturb” sign on his door when nobody was planning to knock anyway? That’s not true. I’m sure Suri knocked and then slipped a Narconon pamphlet under his door. She gets a pair of heels for every new recruit she brings in.