Open Post: Hosted By Precious’ Real Mom

You can usually find Alice Tan Ridley, the mother of Gabourey Sidibe, singing for dollars down in the NYC subway. And by “you” I mean not me, because I’ve tried to find her ass down there several times to no avail. The only subway performers I usually run into are those damn breakdancers who bust their shit in the aisles of the train and nearly kick my nose off every time when their legs go flying through the air. I just want to stab them in the culo with my walker. Anyways, I’m digressing all over your retinas again….

So Alice Tan Ridley auditioned for America’s Got Talent last night, and she sang until the tips of Mimi’s moustache singed right off. Analog TVs dropped into apartment stairwells and Alice kept on singing. Mo’Nique nearly slapped her up side the hide for not pulling the hairs out of her pig’s feet, but Alice didn’t stop.

I vote that Alice goes all the way. And not because she can sang, but because she might be the only person in this country (besides child beauty queens) who still sleeps with pink foam rollers in her hair.