Over the weekend, Jackass’ Bam Margera was hospitalized in West Chester, PA after he says a crazed bitch with a bat beat him in the back of the head over and over again. No, the bat-wielding lunatic’s name is not Karma or Pebbles. The Jackass beater is 59-year-old Elizabeth Ray who lives near Bam’s bar where the attack went down. Bam has gotten more blows to the head than Gerard Butler, and the one that takes him out was delivered by a 59-year-old woman?! That is poetry in motion.
Bam was released from the hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. Elizabeth however will have to show her face in court today. Bam’s mother says that Elizabeth has come at Bam before, because the loud ass music playing in his bar keeps her up at night. Bam’s mother went on to say that he didn’t do anything to provoke Elizabeth, “She hit him over the head with a baseball bat, and she hit him while he was walking to his car. There was no fight. She’s just crazy and gives him a hard time all the time.”
Well, this time Elizabeth gave Bam a hard time he’ll never forget.
Elizabeth swears that she’s innocent and claims Bam threw the n-word at her, “He called me the n-word. I’m innocent, and he’s a jackass, just like his movies.”
Don’t ask me why Elizabeth just didn’t pick up her rotary phone and sic the cops on the bar. Maybe she thinks it’s more effective if she runs down there in her housecoat and Garfield slippers to wave a bat at a bitch. You know how those crazy people are.
Just like one time one of my downstairs neighbors knocked on my door to complain about me “walking too hard” on the floor. When I opened up the door, there was his pepaw-looking ass in a red silk robe and no chonies on underneath. Old dude’s peen kept bobbing in and out like a scared turtle. And his nostril hairs were so long that he could’ve flossed his bottom teeth with that mess. Needless to say, I covered my floors with egg crates and only wore socks inside so that I would never ever have to see that prune peen again.
Elizabeth should look my old neighborhood up and send him over to Bam’s bar. Dude knows how to kill a party quick.