Maddox got sick of spending his Friday afternoons picking the ticks out of Billy Goat Brad’s face minge and flea dipping him per his mother’s instructions, so he snuck into the barn over the weekend and cut the goat right off of his daddy! When Maddox made the first cut, Brad let out his last baaaaaaaaaaah.
Popeater has the blurry pictures of Brad driving around L.A. with a freshly trimmed beard on his face. So instead of looking like the crazy homeless man who lives under the pier and keeps the government from stealing his thoughts by braiding his beard (hey, I didn’t say he was logical), he now looks like the crazy homeless man who lives under the pier and took a butter knife to his beard to keep the government from stealing his thoughts.
The truth is, even though the sight of Brad’s dirty chin merkin made me want to roll around in Gold Bond powder, I’m going to miss his raggedy beard of dingles. I’ll chew on my jacket in its honor today. And I hope Maddox gets a pretty penny for that shit when he sells it on eBay.