Dumb Bitch Of The Day

The picture above is from a charity event Russell Simmons hosted at his Manhattan apartment a couple of weeks ago. At this charity event, one of Russell’s precious works of art, a $100,000 chalk drawing by Gary Simmons (zero relation), was left partially fucked up after some chick accidentally rubbed against it. This is still not as bad as the time a blurry-eyed Kimora Lee stumbled downstairs for a 2am snack and mistook his Monet painting of a bowl of fruit for an actual bowl of fruit and bit into it. Yes, go get your cane and I promise to stand still until you pull me offstage.

Russell tells Page Six, “One woman, who shall not be named, rubbed up against a chalk drawing. She didn’t realize it had been intentionally smudged by the artist, so she took a cloth to wipe it, rubbing off a part of the artwork.”

Russell is the dumb bitch here, because who leaves a $100,000 chalk painting out like that?! If it’s so fancy and special, put glass over that mess. Or laminate it! Shit.

But it could’ve been worse, if Lindsay Lohan was there she would’ve snorted the whole thing up and destroyed it completely. And if I was there, I would’ve erased the whole thing my shirt and asked for a piece of chalk so that I could draw two stick figures butt fucking each other. Yes, this is why the Spaghetti Factory no longer give me crayons to draw on their tables with.