Bobby Flay To The Rescue

June 11, 2010 / Posted by:

The January Jones hit-and-run story now has a new character: BOBBY FLAY! BAM! Oh wait, that’s the wrong bitch.

So as some of you may know (and probably still don’t care), January hit three parked cars last night while coming home from watching the Lakers game at a hotel. January blamed the paps and left the scene. January came back 45 minutes to talk the police and to sort everything out. The police say booze was not involved, and they aren’t going to investigate further. That was that. But then TMZ brought up details including an appearance by Bobby Flay! The plot thickens like Aretha Franklin’s saliva when she spots a Krispy Kreme in the distance.

Apparently, January met Bobby while watching the game with friends at the hotel. Bobby told TMZ that January is redoing her kitchen so she asked for his number to give to her designer (hmmmm #1). Shortly after dumb ass January hit the three cars, she called Bobby for help (hmmmmm #2). Bobby doesn’t know why January called him, but he drove over to see if she was okay. A woman who owns one of the cars January hit claims that Bobby told January to go home (hmmmm #3). So January gave her drivers license to one of the witnesses and busted out of that bitch.

Another witness says that they didn’t see any paps around after the crash (hmmmm #4). The witness also says that they smelled booze on January’s breath (hmmmm #5). Bobby claims that as far as he knows January only had one beer at the hotel (hmmmm #6).

When January came back to the scene to speak to the police, she was wearing different clothes (hmmmm #7) and chewing gum (hmmmm #8). When the witness asked the police if they were going to give January a sobriety test, they said they weren’t going to even bother with that shit since she could’ve had a drink at home after the crash (hmmmm #9). They said there was no way to prove that she was drunk at the time she bashed three cars. And they also weren’t going to do it, because she’s so purdy and she batted her eyes at them.

So January might be a drunk driving, car bashing slut who is letting a married Bobby Flay throw his chili pepper down on her polenta cake. Does she still register a 10 on the “MEH” scale? Come on, she gave us 9 hmmmmms! Yeah, you’re right. She’s still a major MEH. Now if she would’ve been drunk AND had Bobby Flay’s face on her crotch at the time of the crash…..

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