White Oprah is right on time. I was waiting for her to hold her right nostril with her finger so that she could blow out an excuse for her daughter as to why the SCRAM anklet went off on Sunday night. And here she is with one! Yes, it’s covered in low-grade cokey particles and dust from Lindsay Lohan’s ass, but she has one!
On Tuesday, a judge declared that Lilo violated her probation after the presence of booze was found on her SCRAM. The judge set her bail at $200k and Lilo paid 10% of that to avoid jail. White Oprah is going on about how not one drop of the sweet nectar touched Lilo’s tongue. According to that delusional bitch, somebody accidentally spilled a drink on Lilo’s leg. White Oprah explained to Page Six, “She was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place. She is doing absolutely fine.”
They need to make a SCRAM mouthlet that detects lies, because White Oprah needs to stop. I mean, spilled a drink on her leg? More like somebody spilled a cocktail into your waiting mouth! “Your honor, I don’t why Jack Daniels came in my mouth when he said he wouldn’t.”
In other news from the crackhouse, White Oprah says that Lilo is talking to Donald Trump about possibly joining the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. Pretty much every bitch in Hollywood has already told Lilo that she’s fired, so Donald Trump just wants to get in on the fun.