The over-ripened golden beet that is Nick Nolte is sitting in rehab right now to try and kick his tongue’s craving for booze and his nostril’s hunger for the bad shit. This is what the National Enquirer is going on about anyways. Their sources say that Nick is seeking treatment for his longtime addiction to alcohol and drugs at Germany’s Privatklinik clinic. Nick’s girlfriend Clytie Lane also came along for the dry out, because apparently she’s got shit she needs to sort out too.
A source tells the Enquirer, “Nick looked like death warmed over when he checked in. He reeked of alcohol and was obviously going through a heavy withdrawal, shaking and trembling. He was in really, really bad shape.”
Dr. Drew is probably politely flicking his tie collection in anger over not landing Nick for Celebrity Rehab.
I totally forgot Nick’s lovah’s name is Clytie Lane. I better add “Clytie Lane” to my “What To Name My First Born Or Next Dog Friend” list. Yes, I know it’s not pronounced clitty, but just let me believe. Let me also believe that her parents originally wanted to name her Laybeeah Majora.