USA Today (via The Wrap) says that producer Scott Rudin is working with St. Angie Jo to bring the biography Cleopatra: A Life to to the big screen with her holy one in the title role. Scott, who has been working on this shit since 2006, confirmed that Angie is developing it with him. The biography’s author Stacy Schiff thinks that Angie has the perfect look and even said that Billy Goat Brad would make a perfect Marc Antony. Hit the red button and SAVE US ALL!!!
Seriously, we all better start constructing a make-shift shelter on top of a raft, because if this becomes real-life the tapioca-like cream pouring out of every Brangeloonie is going to cover the world a million times over. I mean, your average Brangeloonie already holds daily rituals where they make their children carry a pillow with an Angelina Jolie doll lying on top of it so they can throw rose petals. So seeing her play Cleopatra is going to take them over the edge.
But seriously, were Scott Rudin’s ears working while he watched Angie in Alexander?! I know that Angie Jo is the earth’s mother (sarcasm alert), but she couldn’t successfully do a foreign accent even if she swallowed the UN whole. It’s really going to be hard to take Cleopatra seriously as the ruler of Egypt when she sounds like Count Chocula.
Instead of this mess, they should do a movie based on the lives of the other Cleopatra:
Now that is the shit I want to see.