Hasn’t Suri Been Through Enough?!

June 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Since most people can’t stomach Tommy Girl unless he’s wearing prosthetics and covered with thick hair from one of Khloe Kardashian’s wax strips, he has signed on to star in a feature film version based on Len Grossman, the character he played in Tropic Thunder. Well, actually some dudes can stomach Tommy Girl in his regular form if he pays them in cash beforehand. But that’s besides the point. They are making a Les Grossman movie! I can’t, and neither should you. Here’s the press release from Paramount (via Coming Soon):

Paramount Pictures and MTV Films announced today that they are set to develop a movie around mega-producer Les Grossman. The announcement comes on the heels of Grossman’s groundbreaking and visionary production of the soon-to-be Emmy® award-winning 2010 MTV Movie Awards Sunday night. Tom Cruise, along with Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld of Red Hour Films will produce and have secured the life rights to Grossman.

Grossman, best known as a mega producer, has most recently mentored talents such as Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. In 2008, Grossman was introduced to the masses by Stiller in the comedy “Tropic Thunder” where the famed producer had a cameo playing himself.

Said Ben Stiller: “Les Grossman’s life story is an inspiring tale of the classic human struggle to achieve greatness against all odds. He has assured me he plans to quote, ‘Fucking kill the shit out of this movie and make Citizen fucking Kane look like a piece of crap home movie by the time we are done.’ I am honored to be working with him.”

This is going to be like Austin Powers meets a hairy asshole. You couldn’t get me to see this smelly taint of a movie even if you told me there was a reserved seat waiting for me. A reserved seat that was actually a nekkid Mah Boo Anderson Cooper squatting with Red Vines in one hand and Strawberry Hill in the other. Okay, I would, but I’d sit the other way.

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