Gary Coleman Only Wants Real Friends At His Funeral

June 9, 2010 / Posted by:

This is sadder than when I was at McDonald’s a couple of weeks ago and watched a little butterball of a boy beg his mother to buy him a McFlurry only for her to tell him, “No, you’re fat!” Yes, I laughed out loud and ordered a sundae right in front of him, but it was still sad. Anyways, this is sadder.

People says that Gary Coleman’s will from 1999 states that he doesn’t want any leeches or users at his funeral. Gary made it clear that “those who have no financial ties to me and who can look each other in the eyes and say they really cared personally for Gary Coleman. I direct my personal representative to permit no members of the press to be present at my wake or funeral.”

You can almost picture Gary raising his fist while screaming out this shit to his lawyer. And I guess that means his ex-wife Shannon Price will be sitting on a lawn chair across the street from where his funeral is taking place. Speaking of that ginger cuntress with giant teefs made out of Satan’s toe nails….

Shannon is planning to contest the 1999 will, because she claims that she has a handwritten will from 2007 which states that everything (a $300k house in Utah and Gary’s pension worth $156k a year) goes to her. BUT Radar says that there’s an even newer will which may or may not include Shannon. Expect Shannon to produce the newest of the newest will which was written on a paper hospital curtain minutes before she pulled the plug. You know she did.

And because we’ve already gone full sad, Popeater says that those pictures of Gary on his deathbed were bought by the Globe for only $10,000.

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