Prostitution Whore: The Sex Tape

This might be just the thing that makes Teresa Giudice’s greedy hairline finally jump back a few inches! Word around the rest stops off the turnpike is that The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle Staub has got a sex tape careening towards your eyeballs and is ready to take your retinas out! Mark June 15th as the day the internet will ooze puss and cry to be put out of its misery, because that’s when Hustler will release Prostitution Whore’s public sex tape debut.

The 75-minute tape was only shot last September and Danielle’s co-star is a mystery man. Danielle had no comment, but I’m sure she’ll have a few at the ladies luncheon she’ll throw to celebrate this work of fart. If you live in NJ and hear a scratching at your basement window, it’s just Danielle’s daughters begging to be let in. Just give them a few vanilla wafers and tell them to never EVER open their eyes around a computer or TV again.

If you love your computer too much to download the virus that is this fuck tape, but you are still curious to see Danielle wrap her sundried lizard body all around a peen, I have a solution for you. Just take a piece of fried bologna and let one of the mangier alley rats nibble at it a bit (cunnilingus). Then look for a dried, splintery chicken bone in the gutter. Take that fried bologna, squirt some curdled mayo on it and then rub it on that chicken bone until you feel the back of you throat start to moisten with stomach chutney. There you go! Now you will know what it feels like to watch Danielle’s snatch flip a dick, and you won’t have to take your computer down with you!