The Divorce Attorney Whisperer

The Dog Whisperer Cesar Milan is now Cesar M’alone (GONG!), because it turns out his marriage of 16 years was just an illusion (DOUBLE GONG!!). Cesar announced on his website last night that he and his wife Illusion Milan have decided to let go of each other’s leashes. My mother already thinks Cesar is gayer than a Pom Pom in a sailor costume, so I’m already preparing my ears for a “SEEE!” Anyfudgepackleader, this is what Cesar wrote on his site:

We are sad to announce that after 16 years of marriage we have decided to file for divorce. The decision was made after much consideration and time. We remain caring friends, and are fully committed to the co-parenting of our two boys.

Maybe Illusion no longer rolled into a calm submissive state after Cesar went “TSST TSST” and poked her in the side? Or maybe Illusion got sick of Cesar putting her on the dog treadmill every time she wanted to do fucky times? Who knows, but these are not the questions you should ask your priest, therapist or dealer this week. You should ask them who in anal gland hell would name their child ILLUSION?! Did Illusion’s parents have dreams of her becoming a headlining stripper in Florida or a children’s party magician? I can’t.