NOOOO: Rue McClanahan Has Died

People reports that the angelic gift from heaven known as Rue McClanahan has returned home today. Rue’s rep said that she passed away at 1 this morning from a massive stroke. Rue was 76. Excuse me while I scream “NOOOOOOOO” through the streets while tearing my hair out. I’ll be back to write some more.

And I’m back, but I left my heart at the bus stop so it can go to the bakery to buy my ass a cheesecake from C-Town to drown my sadness in. Just last night I came home with the drunks and soothed my dry heaves by watching an episode of The Golden Girls. It was the one where the ladies get robbed and Blanche finds out that the thieving thief snatched her jo-ree from the jar of flour she hid it in. Dorothy called Blanche an idiot, because she says everyone hides their jooree in the flour. And now I want to hide my prized Pac-Man Swatch watch in a jar of flour in honor of Rue.

Rue’s rep added that she was surrounded by her family when she waltzed off to the giant lanai in the sky with Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty.

Rest in peace, Rue. And thank you for playing a character that showed me it’s okay to be a big ass slut with a bitchy tongue as long you do it while wearing pastel florals. I’ve lost a role model in life!

Now let’s all form a protective circle around Betty White while she eats a piece of cheesecake by herself at the table 🙁