Kevin Costner’s sperm is unstoppable! 55-year-old Kevin became a father for the seventh time yesterday when his 36-year-old trophy wife Christine Baumgartner evicted a baby girl from her womb. There’s no need to light a saints candle for Christine’s uterus, because she only gave birth to 3 members of Kevin’s child army. The other 4 came from 2 previous baby mama je’es.
As anyone would expect (just look at them), Kevin and Christine gave their daughter a completely normal boring names that makes steamed rutabagas look exciting. They named her: Grace Avery Costner. Grace Avery kind of sounds like the name of a china pattern you might put on your wedding registry at Macy’s.
Kevin’s other kids are named: Hayes Logan (16 months old), Cayden Wyatt (3), Liam (13), Joe (22), Lily (23) and Annie (25).
Congrats to Kevin’s old ass sperm. Even though they have to travel on a Hoveround, they still get the job done. And congrats to Christine’s bottom line. Another adorable money sign under her belt! Gold digger salute!
And one of the last times I posted Kevin Costner baby news, I ended it with our friend Scarlett eating table with her ass. So let’s make a new tradition! Every time a Costner spawn joins us, Scarlett will take a tumble. Bitch better get two helmets for her ass, because I have a feeling she’s going to be doing this often.