Beat By An Overgrown Booger

Sarah Jessica Parker’s bony claws of death failed to choke out the gigantic nose dingle known as Shrek. SATC2: Horny Mummies in the Desert was expected to take the #1 spot this weekend even though almost every critic Cleveland Steamrolled that bitch, but it came up short behind Shrek.

That other movie about sexy ladies baring their succulent chichis and whipping their weaves in the desert, Princess of Persia, came in third. Here’s the Top 5 of the weekend:

1. Shrek Forever After – $43.3 million
2. SATC2 – $32.1 million
3. Prince of Persia – $30.1 million
4. Iron Man 2 – $16 million
5. Robin Hood – $10.3 million

SATC2 is over two hours long so there is no way I’m going to sign up for that KY and Lanacane party. I would leave the theater with blood shot eyes, cotton mouth and a newfound hate for myself. I can achieve that feeling for free by masturbating in front of a mirror. Besides, why bother seeing that cinematic yeast infection when you can stay at home and read the reviews instead.

Lindy West’s review should be stamped onto every SATC2 poster as a warning. Here’s a taste from The Stranger:

SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it’s my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car. It is 146 minutes long, which means that I entered the theater in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long, white mustache. This is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls.

This is exactly why there should be a SATC3. That shit unleashes everyone’s inner cunt. It makes us all unite in cuntness! More! More! More!

Here’s SJP arriving in Tokyo yesterday, and at the SATC2 photo call with Mrs. Rojo, Kim Cattrall and that other one.