There’s No Salsa Music In A Tom Cruise Movie!

May 29, 2010 / Posted by:

Bronson Pinchot was put on L. Ron Hubbard’s hit list after he said Tommy Girl was an awkward homo-hater on the set of Risky Business. Bronson said that Tommy would spew ridiculous words of poetry like: “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” Well, an unnamed source tells the National Enquirer (I know, I know) that Tommy not only doesn’t like gay people with his ice cream, but he also hates salsa music in his movies.

Seriously, when are we going to get a Tommy Girl reality show, because this kind of craziness needs to be documented for our enjoyment (aka more shit we can point and laugh at).

The source who worked with Tommy on his movie Knight & Day had this to say, “No one has ever seen Tom so close to the edge. Tom developed this bizarre habit of referring to himself in the third person. He’d say things like, ‘Tom Cruise is an action star — he’d never have salsa music in a film!'”

This is the thing, someone is lying here. Either the source is lying and Tommy never said that. Or Tommy was lying when he said salsa music is banned from his movies. Xenu doesn’t like liars!

I mean, we all know that when Tommy is sitting in the middle of Suri’s shoe closet scrubbing the dirt off the bottom of her high heels (she makes him do that), he daydreams about Antonio Banderas pirouetting in and grabbing him by the waist while a salsa band plays in the background. Antonio pulls a single red rose out of his butt crack, gently places it in Tommy’s mouth and dips him so that he can see the stars (Suri has those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling in her shoe closet) above as he gracefully extends his arm out and then kicks his skirt up. So yeah, I’m fucking surprised that there’s not salsa music in EVERY Tom Cruise movie.

And to keep the craziness going, here’s a promo from the MTV Movie Awards of Tommy smacking his own ass. Don’t bother him when he’s down in his dungeon, because he’ll be fingering himself to this for DAYS!

MTV Shows
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